September 30th, 2003

rock shadow

midnight railings revisited

I've come out of the last few Political and Economic Development lectures feeling so ineffectual - these global systems have so much inertia. I feel insignificant up against these huge systems, like an insect in the cogs of the Campanile, when I try to think about what I could do that could possibly make a difference to anyone.

Meanwhile, my creativity is starving. Every moment of every day is allotted to something - I don't have time for even a walk in the hills or a sunset at the Berkeley marina - and even if I had the time, I lack the accomplices that make painting D.I. furniture or batiking clothes or cooking the strangest thing in the cookbook or making up alternate slang that much more fun. David and I talked a few weeks ago about thinking vs. feeling. I tend to live in my head, and for quite some time I've done nothing from the heart. Do I really like the person I'm becoming?
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    pessimistic pessimistic